stupid me....

now i agree*life r full with unxpected things*no shortcut to b success*all this years i thought i can overcome it*but i was wrong*I only want the best for my family and childrens*but all that i do was a mess*speachless by my own fault*better shut up then barking like a stupid dog to prooved that u r innocent*life is not a psp game that u can start all over again everytime u make a mess*learn from mistakes no turning back and dont do it again*Hate my self for being greedy*I cant control my desire*move to a new house hoping that i can built new life*but it was a totally stupid decesion*mess here mess there*Its like u've been punch all over ur face again and again*Aiiayakk...!!Hurst like hell*I blame my self for being so selfish n greedy*I cant even looked my self in mirror*I hurts Mr. S feelings by lieying*Just to prooved that i can manage my family better than him*And the outcome was.......turning up side down* I've tried harder to make a change so my family can live a better life*I have to admit that this time i was wrong and Mr. S was wright*I keep on deny everytime he ask me bout financial*I keep saying i can manage my own self and family*The truth is i cant*But i was ego*I built a wall between us*I wanted to b powerfull*Wanted to show i can control everything*I cant put my past behind*I still leave in imagination*Coz I dont want my life to b like my momma*She's been suffer in marriage*She built her own bizz and overcome all mess around her*My dad's dsnt have the ability to manage his family*He just know how to have fun n enjoy 24/7*He dsnt lead he's family to b a good muslims*Not perfect but at least b a human*Never teach me how to pray*Never lead me to b a good person or a good woman in future*But yea..people do mistakes*I've forgive him*N thats why i want to control my self n familly from being like that*I lead my own life*I learn from others n from my own mistakes*Stand n fall n stand n fall again are part of learning prosess*This time i failed*Try to fullfield my dreams*I have to stop dreaming n wake up*This is reality*Nothings come easy in life*U have to work hard to earn it*And prooved that u are worth it*Money wont fall easily from heaven*Not easy being a mom,wife, student and yet working from 8 till 5*I pushed my self too hard mayb*Have to give space for my self*U cant be 3 person in the same time**History just gone*But instead i created my own imagination*Scared of the past*I dont want to rely on him*I want to prooved that as a woman and a mom i also can success on my own*But succsess wasn't easy*And this time i failed*Myb sumday...in future...who knows..*This is a test from Allah*He test me in all sort of way*It makes me tougher than before*N learn that human not perfect*IM NOT A SUPERMOM THAT CAN MAKE EVERYTHINGS PERFECT*

tears falling.....cry baby cry....